Several days ago, I received the unfortunate news that a dear friend, a sweet woman and Awakened soul passed away. It was an unexpected passing of (medically-speaking) “natural causes” for a young woman who was still very full of life.
She had a grace and Light that were always at the forefront of her Being. On April 20th, our friendship deepened greatly when I broke down crying at a lunch with her in a crowded restaurant. This moment of vulnerability gave shifter her and she began to be more vulnerable with me. I began to sense that she was carefully burying secret pain and fears. I expressed a desire to work with her on the issues that she held tight under her glowing exterior. However, whether fear or pride, she would not allow me to assist, nor any other healers that I recommended. For better or for worse, she did her processing in solitude.
I am prompted by Spirit to write this to offer a new perspective and my own experience with seeking relief from pain, escaping in solitude, and ultimately expanding into a deeper sense of freedom, self-confidence and bliss. If you have known me for more than a year, you have seen me go through massive pain cycles, isolation, and quite recently, an amazing amount of growth. I could not have SURVIVED if I had stayed isolated. And I could not have done this work alone. I was on a solid path of dying, either from “natural causes” or suicide. My body was trying to get my attention. Physically, my liver, kidneys, lymphatic and adrenal systems were all shutting down. My weakened state made me a target for Psychic attacks and all kinds of vampiric entities. Emotionally, I was having a nervous breakdown. I was called bi-polar, unstable, toxic, volatile, and psycho. Everything was triggered all at once. But on the other side of the wreckage, I have come to find an immense amount of peace, grace and self-love. I never could have done this alone. Spirit guided me to many gifted healers.
(From my experience as well as the teachers that I respect most), when we go out into the world and we feel discomfort in our bodies, experience pain, fear, and/or emotional turmoil, we are being given a gift, a road map, to where our deepest pain is hidden, traumas long buried, or even carried over from past lives or through our DNA lineage. In the moments that these toxic experiences are beaten from the bushes, we can release them permanently. With each intense emotion, physical pain or stressful trauma being aired and released, we experience a deeper freedom and peace. As we soothe and acknowledge our inner child, release the toxic pain, we also reveal more of our Divine Self and increase or connection to Source Energy/Creator/God. And, what I have come to learn from my own experience is that when we build walls of protection to shut out this pain, whether it be energy “shields” or the walls of our home, we do the opposite of what we most desire. Rather than shutting “bad stuff” out, (since separation is an illusion anyway), we are more likely blocking ourselves from the release, and the ultimate freedom of the pain that was always there, hiding. Rather than protecting ourselves, we are often locking ourselves in with our fears, traumas, and demons.
“When you are sitting in your own shit. It’s comfortable, because you have been there so many times before, and it’s your shit. It’s really warm, mushy, and even soothing… but, sweetie, you are still sitting in shit.” -Anonymous 2008
Conversely, I do respect balance in all things, and of course, there is value in taking time for oneself to reflect, recharge and rejuvenate. I mean only to offer a new perspective for you to explore what rings true for you with regards to your experience with solitude. It all hinges on intention. Are you running? Or are you filling the well?
If you are experiencing pain locked in your body, if you are depressed or suicidal, have sleeping issues, breathing issues, orgasming issues, ANYTHING… whether you were born with it or not… yes, see a doctor, but by all means seek alternative healing as well. The work I have recently been guided to develop incorporates several modalities simultaneously, that Holistically address issues of Mind, Emotions, Body, and Spirit simultaneously in a very dynamic way. There are many, many gifted Healers in your area that are practiced in dozens of modalities. Seek out that person and practice that resonates with your body and soul. There are many ways up the mountain, just, please, don’t hide in a cave. I have personally seen huge miracles in many healing practices, of which I feel, I am one.
As I write this, I feel my sweet friend reading over my shoulder. I know that she is looking down on us all, her tribe, and shining her Light. It is bittersweet. She had so much planned for her contribution to the growth of Earth and Humanity. Now she contributes from the other side, guiding us and cheering us on, as she awaits her next assignment in the classroom of life. I am sending love and gratitude to all that have worked with me on my path, love and gratitude to all that walk with me now, and love and gratitude for those yet to come. Namaste.
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